justice_is_blond | Inbox for Fade Rift

[He rarely knows if it's going to be good news or bad, and most of the time it's been bad. Darktown mothers who already had so many mouths to feed, refugees whose resources were already stretched thin, but this time it's a friend.

Anders steps forward and wraps his arms around her. She'd hugged him before when he'd needed it; he can only hope this helps half as much.]

[She lifts up enough to return the embrace, bury her face in his coat, hiccup a few labored breaths. Her weeping is otherwise silent. After a minute or so, she is still, clinging to the warm body that helps her feel small. And feeling small against him, feeling his embrace, makes her feel less alone.

Wait.

Why was she thinking she would be alone?

She can't afford to be alone. She can't be self-sufficient anymore. Or rather, she doesn't have to be. She has Anders. She has...who else? She has Alistair. Sina. Zevran. Araceli. She might even have Merrick and Cyril, depending on what they choose to do after this. She doesn't have to be at Saeris' mercy. It takes a village, Zevran had said. And Pel has a village.

She pulls away with a faint smile, wiping at her eyes.]

I'm all right, [she says quietly. She is. She will be. Suddenly everything feels lighter, looks lighter. Her fatigue is her body working hard to support her child. That isn't such a bad thing, is it?] I think I'm all right. Is it--can you--never mind. I don't know what I'm trying to say.

[He holds her through it, giving her a small smile back after.]

If you've got any questions, I may have the answers. I've handled a great many pregnancies, and while they can be risky and dangerous, you're well-fed, in good shape, with access to healers at all times.

[Anything he can say to help her worries, really.]

[She nods, collecting herself, gaze falling away. Everything is so weird now. Everything is expanding to accommodate this new revelation, and it hurts her head.]

Anything for a headache? [There we go. That's an immediate problem.] I've never really managed willowbark. It's hard to chew, with my...

[She gestures to her face. She's not sure if there's even a word for her jaw jutting out like it does.]

And I'm tired all the time. I've spent half the morning thinking about going back to bed.

[Her jawline. Of course.]

Have you tried it powdered, in water? When it's dried it can be ground up and consumed like that. I've done it for patients who were struggling with jaw pain or an inability to keep down anything solid.

[Anders is already turning toward the stores, pulling out some dry strips as he waits for her answer.]

And I've a potion that I think peps me up when I haven't gotten enough sleep.

[Read: any.]

But I've never given it to a pregnant woman. I don't know what its effects might be there.

Couldn't I just have my healer's order to go back to bed? [she asks wistfully. A pregnant woman. There's a strange thrill, knowing he's talking about her. A smile touches her lips, she unable to help herself.]

You've...had other patients with jaw pains? [She has always had to improvise management of it all on her own.] How would you keep the bark from floating in the water?

[He flashes her a wider smile.]

If you'd like the order, I'll give it. I didn't think that was something you'd appreciate, though.

[Anders starts grinding, accepting that as approval of his suggestion.]

The willowbark gets turned into a powder and stirred in. What doesn't dissolve is eased down the throat with the water. And yes. Darktown had so many ailments. I couldn't begin to help everyone, but especially those with teeth that were falling apart.

[Hunh. All this silent suffering she has done for so long, and here's someone who had the answers she never thought to ask for.]

Normally I wouldn't. Normally I'd be up all night if I could help it, and back again early the next day. But this...feels like more work than I've ever done already, and I didn't even know it was going on. [A frown.] I should only need the one day. I'll start going to bed earlier after this.

[Her hand goes to her stomach, pretty sure the movement there is just the flip-flopping of her nerves. But she knows there's something there, something she cannot touch and yet is touching all over. What an odd thought.]

Then that's an order. Rest when you feel it's needed, and I know you're responsible enough people won't question it.

[The grinding takes a little work, but he has a lot of practice with a mortar and pestle.]

Take the rest when you need it, and... [There. He pours a little of the powder into a spoon before holding it out so she can see it, prior to adding it to a glass.] This much to a regular sized glass of water. Give it a half-hour. If the pain isn't eased enough, take a second, but no more than that in 6, 8 hours.

[The rest he tips into a square of parchment before offering that to her along with the cup.]

[She takes both the packet and the cup, and takes a sip. Well, it's not altogether pleasant, but it is definitely viable. When trying to chew the bark on its own, she always wound up in more pain than she cured.]

That will work. [She glances at the powder floating in the water.] Anan, our hahren, would do well with this. He's very, very old and frail, and his teeth hurt him badly. I ought to write to Keeper Deheune about this.

[But not about the baby. Not yet. She's not sure it's Deheune's business any longer. She drains the glass and passes it back to him, not quite able to look him in the eye.]

Serannas. [She steels herself to go back to the scary part of this visit.] How...what should I do to make sure it's healthy? The b-baby?

[That word makes it just a little more real. She's going to be fine. The sooner it becomes real, the better. The happier she will feel, hopefully. She knows she will be happy about this, once it all seems manageable.]

[He takes the glass before reaching out to rest a hand on her shoulder.]

Eat well. Rest when you need it. Do as you usually do, unless you feel pain. And when there's pain, you call me.

[She helped him sprout a seed, and the tree is still growing. He can help this seedling grow.]

You will have pains, you'll likely have issues you find embarrassing, but I have dealt with it all before. All of it. And worse. Call me when you have any concerns, and I will help you. Please. I'd greatly prefer to be called for something that turns out to be a regular, expected symptom than not be called for something serious that has us losing one or both of you.

[Pregnancy is not without risk. At all. But she's got a leg up on so many others in that she has regular access to fully-trained healers.]

[She can handle issues, gross things, and pain. Bodies are bodies, after all. The warmth of his hand on her shoulder is reassuring, when all of this seems so overwhelming. She takes a deep breath.]

I always wanted to be a wife and mother. I just...thought it would happen in that order. And I suppose it's all right that it didn't. At least I'm going to accomplish one of them.

[Maybe she only wanted to be a wife so that she could be a mother. She hasn't figured out whether that's true or false yet. This is all so very new to her. One or both of you, he said, and that plurality helps it sink in a little more. She's going to have a real family, like she wanted since she can remember. Her own family by blood, not borrowed from someone else's, not virtual strangers she only sees once every ten years. Cyril is the closest she has ever really had, but Cyril is just as close with Merrick as he is with Pel. She's having a family.

She feels like she's on a swing, one of the ropes that someone might tie to a sturdy tree-branch with a loop at the bottom to put your foot in. At first, her stomach was left behind as she reached the bottom of the drop, and now she has reached the full height of the arc, and she feels like she's on top of the world. In a minute, she will tilt backward and fall again, but for now, a grin is forming on her face, and she finally wraps her arms around Anders and laughs dazedly.]

I'm having a baby.

Edited 2016-09-09 16:19 (UTC)

[There's a lot of relief at her words. He'd been worried that she might not want it, that a baby would make her life difficult in a way she didn't desire, but now that he knows this is a good thing he can finally smile in full as well.]

You're having a baby.

[He hugs her back, and this time it's a much better hug.]

While you've months to prepare, I do suggest working on getting blankets and clothing now. Larger clothing for you, or clothing that adjusts, and of course things for the infant. Otherwise... Otherwise take it easy, because you've a lot of work ahead of you.

[And he may envy her, just a little.]

[A lot of work. That makes her smile bigger.]

I love work. And I've always wanted my own family. [She wilts a little.] Though I don't know if I'm that. Family. Just one me, and one baby.

[He should have known work would make her smile bigger. He chuckles.]

Yes. This makes a family. But you've also got other family, Pel. Family by choice, as someone reminded me not too long ago. You are family, you have family, and yours is about to become larger.

[She swallows, then grins.]

And it might get bigger by a lot of people I don't even know, or want, or like. [A squirm. She's not sure what she wants to do about Saeris. She can't imagine him being in her life from now on.]

The father isn't exactly from a love story.

No one is exactly from a love story, unless you count Aveline and Donnic and that's just because Varric wrote romances based on them.

[He studies her expression, trying to figure out if he should ask.]

Plenty of children have come from quick encounters. You don't have to marry the father if you don't want to, and you don't have to love him. What matters is you loving this child, and him loving this child. If he doesn't, fuck hi--

[Anders suddenly looks very amused, and wishes he could hide that amusement.]

Well. You already did that part. If he doesn't, show him the door. If he does, be civil. Children need love.

[A faint laugh. But her head bows. Saeris wasn't exactly in her perfect picture, the loving family with the happy children. Can she stand a man who lights his farts on fire every so often? Ugh, but what if he decides he has to marry her?]

I'm going to love this baby enough for two parents, [she says, still not sure if that is enough. She had no parents, and always felt greedy enough to have two. She didn't dream of just having one. Most people have two, and she wanted her due. But one would have been better than what she had.]

Pel.

[His voice is gentle. She came to him for healing, not advice, but he's a friend. He's going to try to help.]

You'll love the child. I've no doubts on that. But consider how much good it would do to know the love of another parent as well. This is bigger than you. And unless the father is an awful person, [like he's one to talk,] hate-filled, or violent, or a threat, the child should have the chance to know him.

Those aren't the only reasons he could be unqualified. [The smile wanes almost entirely.] He could also be a child himself. He can hurt from ignorance and carelessness as much as malice.

Edited 2016-09-10 21:45 (UTC)

[He studies her quietly.]

Talk to me. Do you genuinely think he would hurt a child?

Anders, [she says softly,] he burned himself lighting farts on fire. A year ago. At the age of twenty-seven.

[He snorts before catching himself, and before shaking his head.]

That's the mark of an idiot, yes. But some people snap into maturity when they're suddenly part responsible for another life. Some don't. Some simply do not make good parents. But you can't know by that measure. At the age of twenty-seven I was stopping in the dangerous Deep Roads in front of the group's archer and collapsing backward telling him to hold me.

He dropped me, for the record, rolling his eyes and grumbling, and everyone laughed. And here I am, trusted by you to help with your child.

But it's been years and years for you, and only one for him. [Her gaze falls away.] Years ago, I was engaged to be bonded with a man who couldn't grow up, thinking exactly what you are thinking. Then he left, and I spent years watching him come and go and avoid me like I'd set off an allergic reaction in him. I don't want my child going through that with its father.

[Her fear makes sense. But she's fearing the unknown when she could find out for sure.]

You won't know until you talk with him, Pel. Maybe he'll be just as worthless as the other man, maybe he won't. What are you gaining by building up your doubts like this?

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