Anders (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
justice_is_blond) wrote2016-01-15 11:45 am
justice_is_blond) wrote2016-01-15 11:45 am
Inbox for Fade Rift
[Please leave a message after the beep that doesn't actually exist.]
"I do believe he was going to fight Kostos on it and mocked Merrill before I'd had enough and stopped listening," he says. His own eyebrow is up now. Someone wanting to punch Kostos really isn't new, but mocking Merrill is rare.
"Why taunt us about the very real danger of people trying to take our lives away from us if he doesn't believe it? There are easier ways to pick fights."
"Why taunt us about the very real danger of people trying to take our lives away from us if he doesn't believe it? There are easier ways to pick fights."
"I suspect because everyone is on edge about it right now especially. Look, Byerly is full of shit. Don't believe anything he says unless he's been kicked in the head first. Even then, wait to see what he backs up with real action instead of bluster--for example, travelling across the sea to take down a Templar who abused your apprentice."
That right there matters a lot more to Colin than any bullshit spouted on the crystals.
That right there matters a lot more to Colin than any bullshit spouted on the crystals.
He exhales.
"Actions are louder than words," Anders grumbles, "but one could at least attack nobles or something when they're a noble, rather than those who are already attacked at nearly every turn." He's no longer arguing. Byerly is apparently going to help. But Anders isn't going to suddenly think of him as friend. He has to wait and see for himself.
He'd say that Byerly is still an ass... but he's aware that sometimes he's an ass and doesn't feel like giving Colin a chance to point that out.
"Actions are louder than words," Anders grumbles, "but one could at least attack nobles or something when they're a noble, rather than those who are already attacked at nearly every turn." He's no longer arguing. Byerly is apparently going to help. But Anders isn't going to suddenly think of him as friend. He has to wait and see for himself.
He'd say that Byerly is still an ass... but he's aware that sometimes he's an ass and doesn't feel like giving Colin a chance to point that out.
And Colin would agree--Byerly is an ass. But Byerly also doesn't seem to be comfortable with being liked, which gives Colin a particular pleasure in liking him anyway.
"Nobles think of him as a sort of pet, I think," he muses. "Someone weak and stupid and clearly in their pocket. They think he thinks like them, so they let him in. He's in all sorts of circles, and look at who it is he helps with it."
It's as close as he can come to outright explaining Byerly's profession.
"Nobles think of him as a sort of pet, I think," he muses. "Someone weak and stupid and clearly in their pocket. They think he thinks like them, so they let him in. He's in all sorts of circles, and look at who it is he helps with it."
It's as close as he can come to outright explaining Byerly's profession.
"Of course he's in all sorts of circles. He's a fan of circles." He can hear what Colin is suggesting, that Byerly is using the nobles as they try to use him, but does that really justify being so flippiant about what's caused so much pain?
"The cause is worthwhile and I'll work with him. You need have no fear of that. But I'd appreciate it if he kept his casual cruelty to a minimum. This will be fraught enough already."
"The cause is worthwhile and I'll work with him. You need have no fear of that. But I'd appreciate it if he kept his casual cruelty to a minimum. This will be fraught enough already."
He blinks as he thinks back, and then frowns.
"Loki. He orders her around in a way that makes her plead in a fearful way if she disagrees, manhandles her, doesn't respect her..." He shakes his head. "And that's in front of an outsider. I don't think the relationship is healthy. But I'm entirely, as mentioned, an outsider. So it's not my place to say something."
"Loki. He orders her around in a way that makes her plead in a fearful way if she disagrees, manhandles her, doesn't respect her..." He shakes his head. "And that's in front of an outsider. I don't think the relationship is healthy. But I'm entirely, as mentioned, an outsider. So it's not my place to say something."
I miss you. [Colin sounds faint and far away.] I really, really miss you. I wish I'd told you how much you changed my life. How you were like family. And that's, that's a lot, for me. Having family. Trusting someone, really trusting someone. I'm scared I won't find someone else like you. But I want you to know I'm going to be all right. I'll never forget the things you've told me. And I'm never going to stop missing you. Losing you hurts so much. And it's stupid, I keep thinking I could go find you to ask you how to cope with your death. I just, I want you back. I need you back. Who's going to get me through the rest of all this?
But I'm going to be all right. I won't hurt myself, I promise. But I will miss you forever. So rest. You really, you earned a good rest. We'll all be all right. We've got to be.
But I'm going to be all right. I won't hurt myself, I promise. But I will miss you forever. So rest. You really, you earned a good rest. We'll all be all right. We've got to be.
[Nathaniel's voice is broken, his begging stained with tears.]
My love, please answer. Please. [A pause, silence caught between shuddering breaths.] I can't, I can't have lost you. You have to be somewhere. You can't just be gone.
[He breaks down, shaking with sobs. After a moment, he breathes in damply.]
I can still smell you in the blankets. You can't be gone if I can still smell you.
[The feed cuts off.]
My love, please answer. Please. [A pause, silence caught between shuddering breaths.] I can't, I can't have lost you. You have to be somewhere. You can't just be gone.
[He breaks down, shaking with sobs. After a moment, he breathes in damply.]
I can still smell you in the blankets. You can't be gone if I can still smell you.
[The feed cuts off.]
You're not coming back, but I have to talk to you. I have to believe you're somewhere where you can hear me say goodbye. But I don't want to say goodbye. My darling boy, how can I say goodbye? How can I accept this?
My throat hurts all the time. There's a knot in my stomach, too. I can't, I can't bear this. I wish I'd never gone to Denerim. If I'd been here, maybe you'd still be with me. Or I could at least have had a few more months with you. My darling boy, forgive me.
My throat hurts all the time. There's a knot in my stomach, too. I can't, I can't bear this. I wish I'd never gone to Denerim. If I'd been here, maybe you'd still be with me. Or I could at least have had a few more months with you. My darling boy, forgive me.
[from here.]
The bath Nathaniel draws is doused with milk, scented oils, salts, and honey. It is pure luxury. A sponge is drawn over each inch of Anders' skin, gently and lovingly scrubbing away the days of pain and exhaustion. Fingers tangle in his hair, scratching and massaging dirt away from his scalp. Then the water he rinses his hair with is clean, scented with sandalwood but not over-much. Every luxury he has to hand is expended in pampering Anders tonight.
He dries every inch of him with a clean towel, dresses him in loose but clean clothing, and pays someone to bring a hot meal and a bottle of wine. As Nathaniel sets everything out, Anders may notice that on the table is his sending crystal, taken by his captors and now returned to him.
The bath Nathaniel draws is doused with milk, scented oils, salts, and honey. It is pure luxury. A sponge is drawn over each inch of Anders' skin, gently and lovingly scrubbing away the days of pain and exhaustion. Fingers tangle in his hair, scratching and massaging dirt away from his scalp. Then the water he rinses his hair with is clean, scented with sandalwood but not over-much. Every luxury he has to hand is expended in pampering Anders tonight.
He dries every inch of him with a clean towel, dresses him in loose but clean clothing, and pays someone to bring a hot meal and a bottle of wine. As Nathaniel sets everything out, Anders may notice that on the table is his sending crystal, taken by his captors and now returned to him.
He's never had a day like this. Sure, Nate's given him lovely days before, dates and anniversaries and even a birthday, but this surpasses everything and he has the liberty to relax and hand himself over completely. By the time the food's on the table, Anders is feeling enough like a person again that he notices the flashing crystal.
Anders reaches for it without really thinking and is promptly greeted by Colin's voice and his face falls. Maker.
"I couldn't have gotten back faster," he says quietly. "We didn't even know that you all thought us..." Colin's message ends, and he's greeted with Nate's voice. Anders closes his eyes and sets down his crystal so he can embrace Nate. "I'm so sorry, my love."
Anders reaches for it without really thinking and is promptly greeted by Colin's voice and his face falls. Maker.
"I couldn't have gotten back faster," he says quietly. "We didn't even know that you all thought us..." Colin's message ends, and he's greeted with Nate's voice. Anders closes his eyes and sets down his crystal so he can embrace Nate. "I'm so sorry, my love."
To hear someone else grieve Anders is bad enough. To hear himself is unbearable. He shuts his eyes, tries to think of something else while the message plays, but before the end, he is covering his ears. Arms wind around him eventually, and he clutches back, trying not to lose it again.
"That was less than a day ago," he explains with forced composure. "It's been the worst day of my life, in a lot of ways. But you're here. You're alive."
"That was less than a day ago," he explains with forced composure. "It's been the worst day of my life, in a lot of ways. But you're here. You're alive."
"My love," he says gently before pushing up to the tip of his toes so he can place a careful kiss on Nate's lips.
"I can only imagine. When I heard you only had four years left I nearly broke, and I still had the prospect of those years ahead of me. And you'd none. But I am here." He brushes his fingers through Nate's hair, pressing close so his husband could feel his presence. "And I love you so very much."
"I can only imagine. When I heard you only had four years left I nearly broke, and I still had the prospect of those years ahead of me. And you'd none. But I am here." He brushes his fingers through Nate's hair, pressing close so his husband could feel his presence. "And I love you so very much."
Nathaniel presses in, capturing Anders' mouth with his, cupping his jaw with his hands. He needed this--needs this. Sheer relief has barely set in; he must seal the deal before the desperate anger takes him over and revenge drives him to distraction. But most importantly, he absolutely, desperately needs to be inside Anders immediately.
Between that thought and the next, he has pressed Anders to the bed roughly, and as far as he can tell, their mouths have not yet parted.
Between that thought and the next, he has pressed Anders to the bed roughly, and as far as he can tell, their mouths have not yet parted.
He groans as he's pinned down. Thoughts of hunger are driven from his mind because it's Nate wanting him and needing him again after so long. He needs this just as much.
Nate's clothing is in the way, needs to be gone, and Anders promptly gets to work on his pants, unlacing them and shoving them down. There are times for slow enjoyment and exploration, and judging from Nate's mouth and his own body this is not that time.
"Yes, please," he murmurs when he breaks for air and room to try to get Nate's shirt off. "I need you."
Nate's clothing is in the way, needs to be gone, and Anders promptly gets to work on his pants, unlacing them and shoving them down. There are times for slow enjoyment and exploration, and judging from Nate's mouth and his own body this is not that time.
"Yes, please," he murmurs when he breaks for air and room to try to get Nate's shirt off. "I need you."
"And I need you," he murmurs against Anders' throat before pulling back and allowing his shirt to come off. His hands nimbly unfasten his trousers and pull them down and off. He is hard already, and kissing down Anders' throat hungrily.
"Oil," he says roughly, lowering himself between Anders' legs and grinding against him.
"Oil," he says roughly, lowering himself between Anders' legs and grinding against him.
"Um," he says in return, glancing at their nightstand with some doubt. He hasn't needed it in months. All the same he opens the drawer, fishes around while trying very hard not to disrupt the wonderful things Nate's doing to his neck and groin, and successfully comes up with a vial that still has a little left in it.
"Here. Here, love," he says breathlessly as he sinks back down and spreads his legs apart. The vial is urged into Nate's hand, Anders trying to help open it in the process. "Be a little careful. Not too careful. But a little."
Once that's handed off and said, Anders' hands are in Nate's hair and he's running fingernails along his scalp.
"Here. Here, love," he says breathlessly as he sinks back down and spreads his legs apart. The vial is urged into Nate's hand, Anders trying to help open it in the process. "Be a little careful. Not too careful. But a little."
Once that's handed off and said, Anders' hands are in Nate's hair and he's running fingernails along his scalp.
The trouble is that, until ten minutes ago, Nathaniel thought Anders was dead. Now that he's back, instinct is battling desire--desire to crawl into this man's skin and be as wholly one with him as possible, against instinct to keep him safe and treat him like spun glass. Only one finger slides into Anders' body, and his hand is trembling. He pulls back to look at his husband's face, drinking it in. Even without the scare of the last twelve hours, he hasn't seen this man in months.
"I missed you," he says, and somehow, he still misses him. Even now, this isn't enough exposure to make up for the lack of him these last months.
"I missed you," he says, and somehow, he still misses him. Even now, this isn't enough exposure to make up for the lack of him these last months.
He cracks, now, with Nate's gaze on him and finger inside him. One tear escapes, followed by another and more as he grabs his husband and pulls him tight against him.
"I missed you so much. I, I need you. I can't do this alone." He's not made to live alone, he's fairly certain. Or maybe he's just too weak, or... he doesn't know. "You are my rock and my home."
He's messing up the mood and he tries to regather himself with a deep breath. "I'm whole with you, my love. Even more so when you're filling my hole?" It's beyond weak. But he doesn't want to bring Nate down, not when this should be a time of joy.
"I missed you so much. I, I need you. I can't do this alone." He's not made to live alone, he's fairly certain. Or maybe he's just too weak, or... he doesn't know. "You are my rock and my home."
He's messing up the mood and he tries to regather himself with a deep breath. "I'm whole with you, my love. Even more so when you're filling my hole?" It's beyond weak. But he doesn't want to bring Nate down, not when this should be a time of joy.
It's almost too late, as his free arm wraps around Anders. He buries his face in the crook of his neck and breathes the scent of him. A second finger is added when he remembers what they are doing, but...
"You've never been alone," he says, because he feels he must, despite understanding what Anders means. He has felt alone as well. The empty promise rings hollow, so he changes it. "I'm here now."
Fingers slide out; he slides in, deep as he can go. "You can feel me, right here, as I can feel you."
"You've never been alone," he says, because he feels he must, despite understanding what Anders means. He has felt alone as well. The empty promise rings hollow, so he changes it. "I'm here now."
Fingers slide out; he slides in, deep as he can go. "You can feel me, right here, as I can feel you."
He groans as Nate drives home, as well as his words. Nate's here now, he's really here now, and there's no plan to go elsewhere. There's no elsewhere to go, even. Riftwatch is separate from the Inquisition now. They can't order Nate to another base.
"I can," he murmurs, holding the back of Nate's head. "I can feel you here, and I'm here with you." Anders rocks his hips upward, grinding against his husband and moving Nate inside him, feeling so much more filled than he recalls.
His other hand slides down Nate's back, gentle and loving, and his voice lowers to a groaned whisper. "You are the love of my life, my treasure, my everything. My gorgeous husband."
"I can," he murmurs, holding the back of Nate's head. "I can feel you here, and I'm here with you." Anders rocks his hips upward, grinding against his husband and moving Nate inside him, feeling so much more filled than he recalls.
His other hand slides down Nate's back, gentle and loving, and his voice lowers to a groaned whisper. "You are the love of my life, my treasure, my everything. My gorgeous husband."
Edited 2019-06-07 05:12 (UTC)
So, Anders.
[How does one converse with someone who isn't present? There is a definite sense of awkward adjustment in Barty's tone. But he soldiers on, as he always does.]
Gots many Dwarf Wardens, in your experiences? Nots so many in Antiva, of course, being that there ain't a city nowise near the place for a proper Dwarf to call home, undergrounds-like, but I always wondereds if I was still odd man outs, in places closers to home.
[How does one converse with someone who isn't present? There is a definite sense of awkward adjustment in Barty's tone. But he soldiers on, as he always does.]
Gots many Dwarf Wardens, in your experiences? Nots so many in Antiva, of course, being that there ain't a city nowise near the place for a proper Dwarf to call home, undergrounds-like, but I always wondereds if I was still odd man outs, in places closers to home.
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