To hear someone else grieve Anders is bad enough. To hear himself is unbearable. He shuts his eyes, tries to think of something else while the message plays, but before the end, he is covering his ears. Arms wind around him eventually, and he clutches back, trying not to lose it again.

"That was less than a day ago," he explains with forced composure. "It's been the worst day of my life, in a lot of ways. But you're here. You're alive."