Anders (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
justice_is_blond) wrote2016-01-15 11:45 am
justice_is_blond) wrote2016-01-15 11:45 am
Inbox for Fade Rift
[Please leave a message after the beep that doesn't actually exist.]
Colin lets out a relieved breath at Anders' reaction. He moves to put the chest back in the wall and replace the stone.
"It was how I got out of a bad situation," he says softly. "If you're selling lyrium to Templars, they'll usually behave themselves. Protect you, even from their own. And there are Templars and ex-Templars here who can't get enough, or can't get it anywhere else. So far the Carta haven't come knocking down my door, so I don't think I register to them as competition. But it's something I can offer." He sits back down. "I'd give everything I have to bring about a world where we can be free. Like you did."
"It was how I got out of a bad situation," he says softly. "If you're selling lyrium to Templars, they'll usually behave themselves. Protect you, even from their own. And there are Templars and ex-Templars here who can't get enough, or can't get it anywhere else. So far the Carta haven't come knocking down my door, so I don't think I register to them as competition. But it's something I can offer." He sits back down. "I'd give everything I have to bring about a world where we can be free. Like you did."
"It's my hope that no one else has to do that much, has to invite that much... of everything," he says equally quietly. "There's such a cost, and I don't want it on any more shoulders, no matter how many seem determined to bear it. You've got so long in front of you, Colin, and I... Again, I got lucky."
Anders sighs. "Meredith had more people to kill and I'm certain she thought Hawke would end my life, and no one counted on the Grey Wardens choosing to take me back in to protect me. I didn't even count on it. Please don't be hasty to throw your life away."
Anders sighs. "Meredith had more people to kill and I'm certain she thought Hawke would end my life, and no one counted on the Grey Wardens choosing to take me back in to protect me. I didn't even count on it. Please don't be hasty to throw your life away."
Colin's gaze falls away and he frowns. Anders, the Anders, was reputedly a spitfire. Spirited in the face of hardship, indomitable. Beaten, tortured, shut away in a closet for a year with no reprieve. And finally, on the seventh try, he escaped for good. For that man to be preaching temperance and nonviolence is strange.
"Does it...weigh on you? What you did?"
"Does it...weigh on you? What you did?"
"Yes." That's not the usual question. Most ask if he's sorry, or he regrets it. This is different, more asking about him rather than the asker trying to figure out how much they resent him. And it's someone who sees him as a legend.
He takes a breath. "I saved lives. It was important to save those lives. But the cost of it was that among the guilty that died that night, so did some who were innocent. They deserved better, just like the mages. We need to find ways to neutralize the enemy while not becoming them. In any way."
He takes a breath. "I saved lives. It was important to save those lives. But the cost of it was that among the guilty that died that night, so did some who were innocent. They deserved better, just like the mages. We need to find ways to neutralize the enemy while not becoming them. In any way."
Anders reaches out to rest a hand on Colin's shoulder.
"The Templars say it, yes. But there's a difference. They see us as neutralized when we're caged and beaten down. I see them as neutralized when they don't have authority over us anymore."
He pauses too, considering where they are for a moment before continuing. "I'm also fine with killing Templars. Every single one of them either hurt our people, or watched and enabled the hurting. There is no such thing as an innocent Templar. I can't justify hurting actual innocents in the process anymore. That's the change, and that's what keeps me from being like the Templars. It's an important line."
"The Templars say it, yes. But there's a difference. They see us as neutralized when we're caged and beaten down. I see them as neutralized when they don't have authority over us anymore."
He pauses too, considering where they are for a moment before continuing. "I'm also fine with killing Templars. Every single one of them either hurt our people, or watched and enabled the hurting. There is no such thing as an innocent Templar. I can't justify hurting actual innocents in the process anymore. That's the change, and that's what keeps me from being like the Templars. It's an important line."
[from here]
Colin wraps himself up in his coat and hunkers down, ready to get to the Gallows at a brisk walk.
"I didn't feel faint," he submits, the alarm of the moment combining with sense so it can override his hurt dignity. "I didn't pass out. I just couldn't move."
Colin wraps himself up in his coat and hunkers down, ready to get to the Gallows at a brisk walk.
"I didn't feel faint," he submits, the alarm of the moment combining with sense so it can override his hurt dignity. "I didn't pass out. I just couldn't move."
He's quiet for a few moments before he shakes his head.
"I didn't pass out either when it happened to me not ten days ago. Nor did Inessa when it happened to her about five days ago." Anders' voice stays low. "Kinloch Hold. That's all we have in common that those unaffected don't have. Can you speak with Audra? I can contact Julius and see if he's had a spell."
"I didn't pass out either when it happened to me not ten days ago. Nor did Inessa when it happened to her about five days ago." Anders' voice stays low. "Kinloch Hold. That's all we have in common that those unaffected don't have. Can you speak with Audra? I can contact Julius and see if he's had a spell."
Colin's breath stops. A longterm incubation period for a disease they were all exposed to at different times doesn't seem totally likely. And if Anders isn't picking up anything wrong with their bodies, it must be either magic or Templar powers.
"I can talk to Audra," he says quietly, though it will be a little awkward. "Anders, what do you think's happening?"
"I can talk to Audra," he says quietly, though it will be a little awkward. "Anders, what do you think's happening?"
"I... I don't know." He doesn't like saying those words, especially as he recalls all the Templars messing with mages in Kirkwall, trying different experiments. What if something like that had also been done in Kinloch Hold? What if the results were only coming out now? It doesn't make any particular sense, but there's nothing else that ties him, Inessa, and Colin together while leaving out other mages.
"Do you think your secret is known to any non-mages?" It's possible one of the Templars here is trying something too. More likely than something lingering after decades, honestly.
"Do you think your secret is known to any non-mages?" It's possible one of the Templars here is trying something too. More likely than something lingering after decades, honestly.
"I haven't told any." Colin can feel that weight in his chest, the fluttering of his fingers, and he briefly observes that he's dying. All the signs of a full-blown panic. "Someone else might have leaked it. I knew I shouldn't have, I knew I shouldn't have told anyone, I should have just kept to myself and stayed quiet."
He sounds irritated and terrified in equal measure, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose like it's going to hold in the words boiling over and spilling out of him.
He sounds irritated and terrified in equal measure, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose like it's going to hold in the words boiling over and spilling out of him.
"Colin," he says quietly, stopping where they're walking and reaching out to put his hands on the young man's shoulders. He can hear the panic building up and doesn't want him to torture himself.
"Please breathe. In and out. You're not alone, and telling people made you less alone. It wasn't a mistake and we will figure this out. We've two non-mages who know that something is going on and are seeking to help too, but they will not get your name. My husband and Warden Skraeddar know of myself and Inessa and are willing to help for the two of us alone. Please trust me when I say isolation does not help."
"Please breathe. In and out. You're not alone, and telling people made you less alone. It wasn't a mistake and we will figure this out. We've two non-mages who know that something is going on and are seeking to help too, but they will not get your name. My husband and Warden Skraeddar know of myself and Inessa and are willing to help for the two of us alone. Please trust me when I say isolation does not help."
Breathe in and out. Stand on the topmast of a brig and stretch out to all ends of the sea. The world is infinite and the wind won't let you fall.
Colin's breathing begins to calm, though he still feels flushed and shaky. He nods. "You're right. You're right, you and Inessa don't hide who you are. I...fuck." He rubs both eyes with one hand. "You're right. And weird things, they've been happening for weeks, and I've kept it all to myself and it didn't help anything."
Colin's breathing begins to calm, though he still feels flushed and shaky. He nods. "You're right. You're right, you and Inessa don't hide who you are. I...fuck." He rubs both eyes with one hand. "You're right. And weird things, they've been happening for weeks, and I've kept it all to myself and it didn't help anything."
Maybe he should let Colin continue calming down and focusing on that, but his words stir up another worry.
"Weird... things?" Is Colin experiencing more symptoms than he is? Has he missed something? What affects multiple people but leaves no traces?
"Weird... things?" Is Colin experiencing more symptoms than he is? Has he missed something? What affects multiple people but leaves no traces?
Stop, he thinks, a command to himself. Stop, stop, stopstopstopstopstop... In the monotony of the repetition, everything else is drowned out, and he is left with that which is absolutely happening. The pressure in his chest eases.
"Forgetting what I'm saying in the middle of a word," he sighs. "Not like how people usually do, either. Sudden. Turning around and feeling like I can't tell what my surroundings are anymore. Not quite dizzy. Disoriented."
"Forgetting what I'm saying in the middle of a word," he sighs. "Not like how people usually do, either. Sudden. Turning around and feeling like I can't tell what my surroundings are anymore. Not quite dizzy. Disoriented."
He squeezes Colin's shoulders where his hands still are, watching, listening to his breathing, trying to help ground him. The words send a chill down Anders' back, though. He's had those happen and he'd written them off as strain, but if they're shared symptoms too...
"It's not just our bodies betraying us, it's our minds too," he murmurs. He is going to have to make his husband very worried and he hates it, but the only thing he has kept and will keep from Nate is Colin's name.
Anders takes a breath. "We will get to the bottom of this," he says in a stronger voice. "I'll let you know what Julius says. Please let me know if Audra is also suffering. And we will use that information to narrow down the set and figure out what is going on."
"It's not just our bodies betraying us, it's our minds too," he murmurs. He is going to have to make his husband very worried and he hates it, but the only thing he has kept and will keep from Nate is Colin's name.
Anders takes a breath. "We will get to the bottom of this," he says in a stronger voice. "I'll let you know what Julius says. Please let me know if Audra is also suffering. And we will use that information to narrow down the set and figure out what is going on."
"Me," he confirms again. "Me, you, Inessa." Anders' voice is quiet. No one needs to overhear him and put any pieces of anything together.
"Similar spells of weakness, no traces." Which is not only terrifying, but insults his pride as a spirit healer. He's supposed to be able to fix things, not fall like a rag doll and worry everyone around him.
"Similar spells of weakness, no traces." Which is not only terrifying, but insults his pride as a spirit healer. He's supposed to be able to fix things, not fall like a rag doll and worry everyone around him.
"So, magic." That's a little easier to deal with. He's not crazy, Anders isn't crazy, no one is crazy, there's a certain logic being followed here. A pattern, rather than random attacks. Math. Colin is good at math. And some spells that break other spells. "An enchantment. Enchantments can be broken if you find the source. If there's a pattern, then we can find the source."
He's still panting, as if he's ended a brisk walk, but he's not panicking anymore.
He's still panting, as if he's ended a brisk walk, but he's not panicking anymore.
Anders releases one of his shoulders, moving to stand next to him again instead of in front.
"Enchantment with a source. That's a good start. If it's affecting Audra and Julius we'll have the origin of whatever's being used for that, if it's an enchantment. We can try to see if anyone here has been to Kinloch recently. I... I can ask Vandelin to look into it."
He presses his lips together. An investigation isn't really his forte, but he can at least brainstorm. "Another possibility is blood magic, but I've no idea how to find out if we've blood mages among us without possibly exposing innocent ones."
"Enchantment with a source. That's a good start. If it's affecting Audra and Julius we'll have the origin of whatever's being used for that, if it's an enchantment. We can try to see if anyone here has been to Kinloch recently. I... I can ask Vandelin to look into it."
He presses his lips together. An investigation isn't really his forte, but he can at least brainstorm. "Another possibility is blood magic, but I've no idea how to find out if we've blood mages among us without possibly exposing innocent ones."
"I...hadn't realized blood magic could be precise." At all. At least from where he'd heard it, Uldred's rebellion had dealt wholesale death. An abomination factory. "It would probably be less restricted to us, anyway. Saying some blood mage does bear us a grudge, they'd almost certainly bear grudges outside Kinloch Hold as well. So let's start with what's obvious. Start with the others. I'll tell you what I find from Audra as soon as I talk with her, all right?"
He's seen precise targeting by blood mages... but they knew who they were targeting and it doesn't actually stand to reason that they'd go after Colin or Inessa. Him, there are plenty who hold grudges about. Not the other two.
Anders nods and pats Colin's shoulder. "I'll head home and then call Julius from there. It's secure and not at risk of overhearing."
He does as he said, and not too much later he's sending through the crystals to Colin. "I'd an inquiry about the lunch menu for the next couple of days, if you're not occupied?" It's a safe cover.
Anders nods and pats Colin's shoulder. "I'll head home and then call Julius from there. It's secure and not at risk of overhearing."
He does as he said, and not too much later he's sending through the crystals to Colin. "I'd an inquiry about the lunch menu for the next couple of days, if you're not occupied?" It's a safe cover.
"Of course. Same room the meeting was in?"
When Anders arrives, Colin is pacing the room. He looks up and smiles.
"Audra's fine. She didn't know what I was talking about when I described everything." It's a huge relief. Maybe they're not being targeted, maybe they are, but at least Audra isn't.
When Anders arrives, Colin is pacing the room. He looks up and smiles.
"Audra's fine. She didn't know what I was talking about when I described everything." It's a huge relief. Maybe they're not being targeted, maybe they are, but at least Audra isn't.
He feels a pang of guilt, because he's likely about to tear apart any confidence Colin has gained from Audra not being a part of it. Anders takes a seat.
"Julius isn't fine. He's experiencing the same symptoms, which means there are four of us and all from Kinloch Hold." And he can't cure it. What is he if he can't cure the diseases running around the city and even his magic has failed him once?
"Julius isn't fine. He's experiencing the same symptoms, which means there are four of us and all from Kinloch Hold." And he can't cure it. What is he if he can't cure the diseases running around the city and even his magic has failed him once?
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