justice_is_blond | Inbox for Fade Rift

Colin lets out a relieved breath at Anders' reaction. He moves to put the chest back in the wall and replace the stone.

"It was how I got out of a bad situation," he says softly. "If you're selling lyrium to Templars, they'll usually behave themselves. Protect you, even from their own. And there are Templars and ex-Templars here who can't get enough, or can't get it anywhere else. So far the Carta haven't come knocking down my door, so I don't think I register to them as competition. But it's something I can offer." He sits back down. "I'd give everything I have to bring about a world where we can be free. Like you did."

"It's my hope that no one else has to do that much, has to invite that much... of everything," he says equally quietly. "There's such a cost, and I don't want it on any more shoulders, no matter how many seem determined to bear it. You've got so long in front of you, Colin, and I... Again, I got lucky."

Anders sighs. "Meredith had more people to kill and I'm certain she thought Hawke would end my life, and no one counted on the Grey Wardens choosing to take me back in to protect me. I didn't even count on it. Please don't be hasty to throw your life away."

Colin's gaze falls away and he frowns. Anders, the Anders, was reputedly a spitfire. Spirited in the face of hardship, indomitable. Beaten, tortured, shut away in a closet for a year with no reprieve. And finally, on the seventh try, he escaped for good. For that man to be preaching temperance and nonviolence is strange.

"Does it...weigh on you? What you did?"

"Yes." That's not the usual question. Most ask if he's sorry, or he regrets it. This is different, more asking about him rather than the asker trying to figure out how much they resent him. And it's someone who sees him as a legend.

He takes a breath. "I saved lives. It was important to save those lives. But the cost of it was that among the guilty that died that night, so did some who were innocent. They deserved better, just like the mages. We need to find ways to neutralize the enemy while not becoming them. In any way."

"The Templars say the same." The tone isn't accusatory. "You--"

His breath hitches. There is a pause while he collects it.

"You know what it's like to be neutralized."

Anders reaches out to rest a hand on Colin's shoulder.

"The Templars say it, yes. But there's a difference. They see us as neutralized when we're caged and beaten down. I see them as neutralized when they don't have authority over us anymore."

He pauses too, considering where they are for a moment before continuing. "I'm also fine with killing Templars. Every single one of them either hurt our people, or watched and enabled the hurting. There is no such thing as an innocent Templar. I can't justify hurting actual innocents in the process anymore. That's the change, and that's what keeps me from being like the Templars. It's an important line."

"One they are willing to cross." Colin swallows. "How can we win, in that case? If we hold ourselves to restrictions and the enemy does not?"

"We have to hope. We have to hope non-mages see mages helping them, and benefiting them, and being people rather than objects to be feared. This battle isn't just one of blood and violence, it's one of hearts too, because we cannot win this alone. Without non-mage support this will be a never-ending battle."

It's not positive news. It would certainly be easier if flinging fireballs was enough to win lasting freedom. Life isn't ever easy for a mage, though.

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