justice_is_blond | Inbox for Fade Rift

"I haven't told any." Colin can feel that weight in his chest, the fluttering of his fingers, and he briefly observes that he's dying. All the signs of a full-blown panic. "Someone else might have leaked it. I knew I shouldn't have, I knew I shouldn't have told anyone, I should have just kept to myself and stayed quiet."

He sounds irritated and terrified in equal measure, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose like it's going to hold in the words boiling over and spilling out of him.

"Colin," he says quietly, stopping where they're walking and reaching out to put his hands on the young man's shoulders. He can hear the panic building up and doesn't want him to torture himself.

"Please breathe. In and out. You're not alone, and telling people made you less alone. It wasn't a mistake and we will figure this out. We've two non-mages who know that something is going on and are seeking to help too, but they will not get your name. My husband and Warden Skraeddar know of myself and Inessa and are willing to help for the two of us alone. Please trust me when I say isolation does not help."

Breathe in and out. Stand on the topmast of a brig and stretch out to all ends of the sea. The world is infinite and the wind won't let you fall.

Colin's breathing begins to calm, though he still feels flushed and shaky. He nods. "You're right. You're right, you and Inessa don't hide who you are. I...fuck." He rubs both eyes with one hand. "You're right. And weird things, they've been happening for weeks, and I've kept it all to myself and it didn't help anything."

Maybe he should let Colin continue calming down and focusing on that, but his words stir up another worry.

"Weird... things?" Is Colin experiencing more symptoms than he is? Has he missed something? What affects multiple people but leaves no traces?

Stop, he thinks, a command to himself. Stop, stop, stopstopstopstopstop... In the monotony of the repetition, everything else is drowned out, and he is left with that which is absolutely happening. The pressure in his chest eases.

"Forgetting what I'm saying in the middle of a word," he sighs. "Not like how people usually do, either. Sudden. Turning around and feeling like I can't tell what my surroundings are anymore. Not quite dizzy. Disoriented."

He squeezes Colin's shoulders where his hands still are, watching, listening to his breathing, trying to help ground him. The words send a chill down Anders' back, though. He's had those happen and he'd written them off as strain, but if they're shared symptoms too...

"It's not just our bodies betraying us, it's our minds too," he murmurs. He is going to have to make his husband very worried and he hates it, but the only thing he has kept and will keep from Nate is Colin's name.

Anders takes a breath. "We will get to the bottom of this," he says in a stronger voice. "I'll let you know what Julius says. Please let me know if Audra is also suffering. And we will use that information to narrow down the set and figure out what is going on."

"You? You've had those same symptoms, haven't you?" Colin needs the confirmation. He needs to know it's not just in his head. He's spent years in isolation and he has to hear it outside his own head if there's any doubt.

"Me," he confirms again. "Me, you, Inessa." Anders' voice is quiet. No one needs to overhear him and put any pieces of anything together.

"Similar spells of weakness, no traces." Which is not only terrifying, but insults his pride as a spirit healer. He's supposed to be able to fix things, not fall like a rag doll and worry everyone around him.

"So, magic." That's a little easier to deal with. He's not crazy, Anders isn't crazy, no one is crazy, there's a certain logic being followed here. A pattern, rather than random attacks. Math. Colin is good at math. And some spells that break other spells. "An enchantment. Enchantments can be broken if you find the source. If there's a pattern, then we can find the source."

He's still panting, as if he's ended a brisk walk, but he's not panicking anymore.

Anders releases one of his shoulders, moving to stand next to him again instead of in front.

"Enchantment with a source. That's a good start. If it's affecting Audra and Julius we'll have the origin of whatever's being used for that, if it's an enchantment. We can try to see if anyone here has been to Kinloch recently. I... I can ask Vandelin to look into it."

He presses his lips together. An investigation isn't really his forte, but he can at least brainstorm. "Another possibility is blood magic, but I've no idea how to find out if we've blood mages among us without possibly exposing innocent ones."

"I...hadn't realized blood magic could be precise." At all. At least from where he'd heard it, Uldred's rebellion had dealt wholesale death. An abomination factory. "It would probably be less restricted to us, anyway. Saying some blood mage does bear us a grudge, they'd almost certainly bear grudges outside Kinloch Hold as well. So let's start with what's obvious. Start with the others. I'll tell you what I find from Audra as soon as I talk with her, all right?"

He's seen precise targeting by blood mages... but they knew who they were targeting and it doesn't actually stand to reason that they'd go after Colin or Inessa. Him, there are plenty who hold grudges about. Not the other two.

Anders nods and pats Colin's shoulder. "I'll head home and then call Julius from there. It's secure and not at risk of overhearing."

He does as he said, and not too much later he's sending through the crystals to Colin. "I'd an inquiry about the lunch menu for the next couple of days, if you're not occupied?" It's a safe cover.

"Of course. Same room the meeting was in?"

When Anders arrives, Colin is pacing the room. He looks up and smiles.

"Audra's fine. She didn't know what I was talking about when I described everything." It's a huge relief. Maybe they're not being targeted, maybe they are, but at least Audra isn't.

He feels a pang of guilt, because he's likely about to tear apart any confidence Colin has gained from Audra not being a part of it. Anders takes a seat.

"Julius isn't fine. He's experiencing the same symptoms, which means there are four of us and all from Kinloch Hold." And he can't cure it. What is he if he can't cure the diseases running around the city and even his magic has failed him once?

"So there's a connection to Kinloch hold, unless it's a coincidence. Audra hasn't been there in ages, she was transferred to Ostwick, but you've been gone for ages as well." A huff. "We need to meet, all four of us. Quick."

He blinks, a little surprised by the reaction before nodding. "I'd thought you wouldn't want to be revealed to Julius, but of course. That would be easier than me going between for everyone."

Now it's Colin's turn to be surprised.

"What? No! Julius knows I'm here, I took his classes. He's been keeping it mum about me, same as you. He's about as malicious as a mountain goat with a good patch of grass, and at least as dexterous. And skinny. I'll get Inessa, you get him, we'll meet right here tomorrow for breakfast, all right?"

He looks a little abashed before he shrugs.

"Maybe I should have asked for a list of who knew when I agreed to keep it quiet," Anders says with slowly growing amusement. "I was fairly certain Gareth knew before your reveal due to what he was saying, but I couldn't be certain. Tomorrow, after breakfast, we'll have a little party that hopefully doesn't turn into a four-way fainting fit."

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