justice_is_blond | Inbox for Fade Rift

[ The knot in her stomach just seems to be getting bigger and she can't quite look Anders in the eye, not after seeing his arm. ]

I have done something. I'm here. Isn't that enough?

[ She came to Anders because she thought he might give her confidence and he has, but she still feels on edge. The idea of someone knowing she was with a woman, that she cared for one, that she had embraced one as a lover... It makes goosebumps rise on her skin and her hands clench.

She is afraid, and she knows it. It is cowardly. ]

What is the purpose of gaining the scars if you will never be able to carry them without shame?

You have done something, and you are here. You were on a difficult battlefield, and were indispensable. Is it enough?

[It's a technique a few of his teachers had tried, turning his questions back on themselves. It had worked... sometimes.]

The value of the scars is that you look at them and see what was in the past, what could have happened to you, and what you've made instead. You've saved lives. You can continue to do so.

Is this enough for you? These few months or years of shaping your own life? Do you think that you can go back now that you've started to meet yourself?

It must be enough. I am doing my duty.

[ Bowing her head, she purses her lips, feeling on edge and unsure, as if there is a great weight on her shoulders that she must carry alone. It is not the case, of course - if anyone is going to empathise in some way Anders would be the one to do it.

He shares many of her feelings. ]

I do not think we are talking about just my romantic interests anymore.

[That's a no. But not a no that can quite be pressed on, just yet, and she at least may know it's a no. She has someone to talk about it with and she's thinking and they have at least a little time yet. The war won't be won tomorrow.]

I suppose we aren't. It all ties together, but we're not on that topic alone, no.

[Anders gestures toward the book.]

That's... along the lines of dangerous to have. You may find it interesting. I'd like to keep it in here, though, and only have it out from under the papers while the door's closed, for safety's sake.

[It isn't blood magic, but he's not sure the regular hateful non-healer, non-doctor would care to see the difference and it would be all too easy to find a mob roused against him.]

And, perhaps, reading it can be for the future's sake. Romantic interests, and life, and all that entails.

[ Perhaps when she is more comfortable she might be more willing to accept what Anders is saying, but after the shock of war and the horror of battle, all tied together with Byerly's proposal and her own self-loathing getting tangled up with her interactions with others... It's no wonder her mind is a mess. ]

No. We are not.

[ And it is painful for her to think about even now.

Passing it back over, she nods her head. ]

There are many reasons I dislike the Chantry and their views on the study of the dead is among the top items on the list. I would not be foolish enough to bring their eye upon us as they would damn me with the same brush.

I don't think they could pull off executing you, but there'd certainly be consequences.

[Sending her back might be somewhat close to ending her life, in a metaphorical way.]

Feel free to look through it and read as you'd like. I can stop pressuring you for now.

[ Sidony thinks of the agreement she had made with Byerly and wonders - they might have enough ammunition, but she's not going to mention that to Anders, no matter what awkward trust she has in him. ]

Aren't there always?

[ Nodding her head, she drags her fingers away from the book, forcing herself to be restrained. ]

Thank you.

No good deed goes unpunished, but I was once told that you never know if you can fly until you begin to fall.

[He nods his head in reply to the thanks and gets up, stretching.]

Was there anything else? I don't mind your company or conversation, to be clear. But if you don't need my complete focus I've a dragon liver I'm cutting apart to see if there's anything to be learned.

[ There's a moment of quiet, uncertain hesitance before she purses her lips and speaks. ]

Are you dedicated to doing this alone or would you tolerate some assistance?

[Anders smiles and gestures at the wash basin.]

More than tolerate. Someone to bounce observations off would be welcome, but if I tell you to stop you'll need to stop right away. I'm taking apart what dragon organs I can to further what I know of how they deal with the Blight. There might be a risk involved.

[ She goes to prepare and clean herself, nodding her head. ]

I didn't get this far without some understanding of how to follow instruction. [ She offers a small smile. ] I am prepared to take the risk.

I got this far thanks to flouting instruction.

[Amusement shows in his eyes and voice as he rolls back out the small knives and tweezers before pulling a cloth off of a very large liver on a tray. He holds his hand over it, and his hand glows an orange-red.]

Thawing this out. I freeze what I get to stave off decay as I can't always get to it right away. The gangs in Darktown get more worked up during the cold months, it seems.

I'm not quite as old as you yet.

[ Said with a small smirk, to show that she's probably joking. Probably.

Unfortunately, she does not look at his hands, deliberately glancing elsewhere, a wrinkle on her nose. ]

It seems like a logical thing to do.

[His smile grows at her comment only to fade as she looks away.]

...Is something the matter?

[She'd let him heal her and she's not had objections to his company so it's not magic that's the problem here, he's fairly certain. But he also can't see why she'd might be squeamish when she'd made no face as he told her what they'd be doing.

Anders finishes the thawing and watches her, eyebrow raised.]

No, nothing at all.

[ Her aversion to magic is nothing that concerns Anders. She dislikes looking at it if only because it reminders her of her own faults and failures - not good enough for her dreams, not good enough compared to her brother. ]

Please continue.

[Calling out something he's unclear about seems a waste of time and also possibly goodwill, so he moves on.]

What we're looking for, [he says as he starts a careful incision along the side of the organ,] are small sections of swelling that might be present. Dragons seem to be able to seal away the Blight until it overwhelms them, but I don't know what parts are involved.

[Or, honestly, the full relevance of parts that are involved.]

I've... I've far less information than I'd like to have. But how is the largest question, because I'd like to see if it can be used, somehow, to make the cure less of a risk, or if there's a way to stave off the Blight for longer for those who might not want to risk the cure.

[ Sidony leans closer immediately - not so close that she might be a bother or, perhaps, risk some kind of danger, but enough that she can see what is happening and what is going on. She's clearly curious and there's a twitch to her fingers, like she wishes she might take notes. ]

Something like a tumour? Some place where it is stored before it overwhelms them?

[ An imbalance, she thinks, much like one humour too much compared to another. When there's too much of one a sickness occurs. ]

Are we investigating, then, a means of transferring what the dragons do to humanoid bodies?

[He nods at her questions as he finishes butterflying the liver and opens it.]

Not so much transferring as if we can further it, see if our bodies can isolate it but then purge it on their own. The current cure is...

[Anders exhales.]

Not only is it complicated and kills more than it saves, there's an ingredient in it that's vastly difficult to obtain. Great dragon blood. So few Great dragons and so much Blight makes it fairly impractical except when someone is desperate.

[There's a wry smile tugging at the corner of his lips for a moment before he's back to looking studious.]

Any creatures other than dragons get blighted and they succumb quickly. Sometimes it takes scarcely an hour, sometimes a couple of weeks, but only once has it been longer. Dragons can go on for so long. If I'd some clue about how, maybe I can make my imperfect cure a little better.

Isn't that true for many ways of healing?

[ There are more dangers in medicine than many people might be able to wrap their minds around; she had learned that through studies and seen it on the battlefield, even if it is only one battle that she can put behind her now. It was experience enough for her, and she breathes out gently. ]

I've never seen the Blight first hand. I've learned a few things, from books, but I doubt they're particularly true to life. [ Sidony is obviously completely interested in the dissection happening in front of her, eyes wide. ] How much do you think you'll learn?

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