Anders (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
justice_is_blond) wrote2016-01-15 11:45 am
justice_is_blond) wrote2016-01-15 11:45 am
Inbox for Fade Rift
[Please leave a message after the beep that doesn't actually exist.]
[He should have known work would make her smile bigger. He chuckles.]
Yes. This makes a family. But you've also got other family, Pel. Family by choice, as someone reminded me not too long ago. You are family, you have family, and yours is about to become larger.
Yes. This makes a family. But you've also got other family, Pel. Family by choice, as someone reminded me not too long ago. You are family, you have family, and yours is about to become larger.
[She swallows, then grins.]
And it might get bigger by a lot of people I don't even know, or want, or like. [A squirm. She's not sure what she wants to do about Saeris. She can't imagine him being in her life from now on.]
The father isn't exactly from a love story.
And it might get bigger by a lot of people I don't even know, or want, or like. [A squirm. She's not sure what she wants to do about Saeris. She can't imagine him being in her life from now on.]
The father isn't exactly from a love story.
No one is exactly from a love story, unless you count Aveline and Donnic and that's just because Varric wrote romances based on them.
[He studies her expression, trying to figure out if he should ask.]
Plenty of children have come from quick encounters. You don't have to marry the father if you don't want to, and you don't have to love him. What matters is you loving this child, and him loving this child. If he doesn't, fuck hi--
[Anders suddenly looks very amused, and wishes he could hide that amusement.]
Well. You already did that part. If he doesn't, show him the door. If he does, be civil. Children need love.
[He studies her expression, trying to figure out if he should ask.]
Plenty of children have come from quick encounters. You don't have to marry the father if you don't want to, and you don't have to love him. What matters is you loving this child, and him loving this child. If he doesn't, fuck hi--
[Anders suddenly looks very amused, and wishes he could hide that amusement.]
Well. You already did that part. If he doesn't, show him the door. If he does, be civil. Children need love.
[A faint laugh. But her head bows. Saeris wasn't exactly in her perfect picture, the loving family with the happy children. Can she stand a man who lights his farts on fire every so often? Ugh, but what if he decides he has to marry her?]
I'm going to love this baby enough for two parents, [she says, still not sure if that is enough. She had no parents, and always felt greedy enough to have two. She didn't dream of just having one. Most people have two, and she wanted her due. But one would have been better than what she had.]
I'm going to love this baby enough for two parents, [she says, still not sure if that is enough. She had no parents, and always felt greedy enough to have two. She didn't dream of just having one. Most people have two, and she wanted her due. But one would have been better than what she had.]
Pel.
[His voice is gentle. She came to him for healing, not advice, but he's a friend. He's going to try to help.]
You'll love the child. I've no doubts on that. But consider how much good it would do to know the love of another parent as well. This is bigger than you. And unless the father is an awful person, [like he's one to talk,] hate-filled, or violent, or a threat, the child should have the chance to know him.
[His voice is gentle. She came to him for healing, not advice, but he's a friend. He's going to try to help.]
You'll love the child. I've no doubts on that. But consider how much good it would do to know the love of another parent as well. This is bigger than you. And unless the father is an awful person, [like he's one to talk,] hate-filled, or violent, or a threat, the child should have the chance to know him.
Those aren't the only reasons he could be unqualified. [The smile wanes almost entirely.] He could also be a child himself. He can hurt from ignorance and carelessness as much as malice.
Edited 2016-09-10 21:45 (UTC)
[He studies her quietly.]
Talk to me. Do you genuinely think he would hurt a child?
Talk to me. Do you genuinely think he would hurt a child?
Anders, [she says softly,] he burned himself lighting farts on fire. A year ago. At the age of twenty-seven.
[He snorts before catching himself, and before shaking his head.]
That's the mark of an idiot, yes. But some people snap into maturity when they're suddenly part responsible for another life. Some don't. Some simply do not make good parents. But you can't know by that measure. At the age of twenty-seven I was stopping in the dangerous Deep Roads in front of the group's archer and collapsing backward telling him to hold me.
He dropped me, for the record, rolling his eyes and grumbling, and everyone laughed. And here I am, trusted by you to help with your child.
That's the mark of an idiot, yes. But some people snap into maturity when they're suddenly part responsible for another life. Some don't. Some simply do not make good parents. But you can't know by that measure. At the age of twenty-seven I was stopping in the dangerous Deep Roads in front of the group's archer and collapsing backward telling him to hold me.
He dropped me, for the record, rolling his eyes and grumbling, and everyone laughed. And here I am, trusted by you to help with your child.
But it's been years and years for you, and only one for him. [Her gaze falls away.] Years ago, I was engaged to be bonded with a man who couldn't grow up, thinking exactly what you are thinking. Then he left, and I spent years watching him come and go and avoid me like I'd set off an allergic reaction in him. I don't want my child going through that with its father.
[Her fear makes sense. But she's fearing the unknown when she could find out for sure.]
You won't know until you talk with him, Pel. Maybe he'll be just as worthless as the other man, maybe he won't. What are you gaining by building up your doubts like this?
You won't know until you talk with him, Pel. Maybe he'll be just as worthless as the other man, maybe he won't. What are you gaining by building up your doubts like this?
I gain--Anders, I know men like Saeris. And I don't want this baby to have someone who abandons it before it's even born. I'm not much of a mother if that's the first thing I do for it.
So you're... forcing abandonment?
[His voice is still gentle, still patient. He can't blame her for judging someone; he does it all the time.]
If this Saeris chooses to have nothing to do with the child, then your child never has to know. Let that be on him, though, so that when your child asks, you don't feel guilt. Because your child will ask as soon as they see other children with two parents. Lucci and Kieran are not the only littler ones running around Skyhold.
[His voice is still gentle, still patient. He can't blame her for judging someone; he does it all the time.]
If this Saeris chooses to have nothing to do with the child, then your child never has to know. Let that be on him, though, so that when your child asks, you don't feel guilt. Because your child will ask as soon as they see other children with two parents. Lucci and Kieran are not the only littler ones running around Skyhold.
Maybe I see it as protection. [She swallows.] Or maybe I'm the worst person in the world, or I've been abandoned enough times myself that I can't but see it as inevitable.
You're not the worst person in the world.
[At least he can be certain on that point.]
It's... If he chooses to have nothing to do with the child, it's nothing on you, and nothing on your child. It's him. His irresponsibility, his failure. You're not being abandoned. He's not being responsible. And you've your family-by-choice that's not abandoning you either.
[It's hard. It will take more than words for her to get over that fear; it will take time and seeing. He's still worried some of the time about the Wardens now that Herc is gone, still sometimes fears that Nate will find someone better. But it's getting better.]
[At least he can be certain on that point.]
It's... If he chooses to have nothing to do with the child, it's nothing on you, and nothing on your child. It's him. His irresponsibility, his failure. You're not being abandoned. He's not being responsible. And you've your family-by-choice that's not abandoning you either.
[It's hard. It will take more than words for her to get over that fear; it will take time and seeing. He's still worried some of the time about the Wardens now that Herc is gone, still sometimes fears that Nate will find someone better. But it's getting better.]
[She releases a long, shaky breath. She should talk to Alistair. If anyone is going to understand, it will be Alistair.]
You're probably right. I just need to think on it, is all. I need...bolstering. Like this. What you're doing.
[She has secluded herself so much lately, and now she has to make a conscious effort to end that seclusion. She has to rely on people.]
I want...I want you to deliver my baby.
You're probably right. I just need to think on it, is all. I need...bolstering. Like this. What you're doing.
[She has secluded herself so much lately, and now she has to make a conscious effort to end that seclusion. She has to rely on people.]
I want...I want you to deliver my baby.
[There's no need to press the point. He nods.]
It would be my honor, Pel.
[It takes a lot of trust to ask that, especially when she's got options. It means the world to have her trust.]
It would be my honor, Pel.
[It takes a lot of trust to ask that, especially when she's got options. It means the world to have her trust.]
I trust you, and you tell things to me straight even if I don't want to hear them. [A flash of an apologetic smile.] And you try to make me comfortable even when it's just my jaw.
[He returns the smile.]
The first is what friends are for, and the last is what healers are for. I daresay I fit into both slots. Are there any other services I can provide? I know where to get cats. There aren't any nearby Darkspawn I can kill for you, though.
The first is what friends are for, and the last is what healers are for. I daresay I fit into both slots. Are there any other services I can provide? I know where to get cats. There aren't any nearby Darkspawn I can kill for you, though.
I...I don't know. There's something different, after that. The way you interact is different. Because now he knows how you feel, and you know how he feels, and that--it changes things. It was, um. It was like that with the last person I tried telling.
Maybe that's just my fault. It was hard to be around him, after that.
Maybe that's just my fault. It was hard to be around him, after that.
I think it only changes things if you dwell on it, if you dwell on what you can't have at the exclusion of what you do. Here's the thing, Beleth. If you don't tell him and he figures it out, things will be weird anyway. He'll wonder why you didn't say, wish you would so it would be out there, and so on. If you tell him, and remember that he's valuable to you as "just" a friend, as long as he is, then it doesn't have to be weird.
You'll still have feelings. They won't simply vanish. But you have control of them.
You'll still have feelings. They won't simply vanish. But you have control of them.
Sending Crystal | Halamshiral, wibbly wobbly timey wime...you get the idea
wontforgetyou
2016-09-14 01:27 am (UTC)(link)
(The morning after this.)
Anders? Och, I never know if anyone's ever on the other end of these things. Listen, if you're not busy, I need to talk to you.
Anders? Och, I never know if anyone's ever on the other end of these things. Listen, if you're not busy, I need to talk to you.
Edited (also helps if I close my html tags properly) 2016-09-14 01:28 (UTC)
[It's only a couple of minutes before the reply comes.]
Of course, Jamie. What's going on?
[He's always busy. But he can make time.]
Of course, Jamie. What's going on?
[He's always busy. But he can make time.]
[There's a pause that's maybe a second or two too long before he answers. This isn't going to be easy, but it needs to be done.]
Could you...could you keep an extra eye on Kallian for a wee bit? At least while she's still here, anyway.
Could you...could you keep an extra eye on Kallian for a wee bit? At least while she's still here, anyway.
Here as in where? I'll absolutely do so, but I've not seen her in Skyhold the past couple of days I've been back. And what's wrong?
Page 20 of 64