IC Contact Post - Scorched

[justice_is_blond]

[It clicks on and there's a pause.]

And now... Hello? I'm assuming you're trying to reach me. By the Forge. So you talk now, or not now, you talk when I'm done talking, and then I'll get the message and I'll respond as quickly as possible.

[There's another pause.]

Oh! Anders. I'm Anders. You have reached Anders, please leave a message for me.

[There's another click as the message ends.]

Comments

[barebacking]

You don't love Tony.

[justice_is_blond]

So? I care for him a great deal. Do you even know what love is? It takes time, getting to know someone, and a great deal of risk, especially in a place where people can vanish at any moment. I've known him for... what, seven and a half months? More like six and that half, because, speaking of the Door, he was gone for a portion of that.

So no. Basically. I don't love him. But that's a yet. I don't love him yet. Because I could, and why the Void am I even telling you this?

[barebacking]

Guilt?

[justice_is_blond]

Why would I feel guilt over it? Does he deserve better? Yes. But he's the one who came to my Clinic, which means this is what he wants. I like it, I like him, a great deal, and I don't see why there would be any problem with me not loving him yet. Especially with the risks love carries.

[barebacking]

Love carries a lot of risks, but neither of you wish to accept that risk. I find that pathetic of both of you.

[justice_is_blond]

You know nothing of what it's like to be a mage, to be cautioned against love, to know how vulnerable it makes you. And then I have you here, you, threatening him, and you want me to risk being hurt even more?

Maybe I find you pathetic, talking about your love for Justice when it's nothing more than lust. Talking about your needs and disregarding his, and mine. Love is a mutual thing, a caring thing, Yaha, and you've yet to show caring. All you show is fixation.

[barebacking]

You know nothing of suffering Anders. What you speak of... what you believe... is only a small bit of what true pain is.

I don't do it because I like it.

[justice_is_blond]

Nothing of suffering. Really. [Anders snorts.]

Hunted, caged, beaten, oppressed, having to kill the one person I was closest to loving before, treated like a thing instead of a person, and here I finally have a chance to connect with people and get to be terrified about losing them at any moment. No, I don't know anything.

[barebacking]

[ He laughs once. ] Oh, this is a fun game. I'll win. I don't like winning it, though...

I watched my friends be eaten as a child. No one cared. No one cared the elves were all dead. That they were tortured, abused, driven mad... no one cared. They act like they don't exist now. We're just legends for people, while I am still alive. I'm not acknowledged as being alive as an elf. My race and my culture is gone. Forever. I was only a child when it was lost as I cannot bring anything back from it. That is only a small portion of what it is that I have suffered.

So no... I don't think you understand what real suffering is, Anders.

[justice_is_blond]

It's not a fucking competition, Yaha. And you're wrong.

[barebacking]

I think it is since you don't think I know much about suffering.

[justice_is_blond]

I said you know nothing of what it is to be a mage. You said I didn't know anything about suffering.

And you don't know anything of what it is to be a mage. Your experiences are nothing like mine.

[barebacking]

I honestly forgot and became upset about it...

This is the life of living in a mind that is half there, Anders.

[justice_is_blond]

Then why don't you work on your own mind instead of threatening other people? Why don't you try to put yourself back together instead of considering taking other people apart? Carving me open to get Justice? Yaha, that won't get anyone anywhere. Not you, not Justice, certainly not me. It's ridiculously frustrating to have you talking about your love for Justice and then speaking about doing things that would endanger me and him both.

[barebacking]

I don't know if he is happy with you, Anders. I don't think he's safe here. I think it would be better to send him back to the Fade some days. It seems like today is one of those days.

[justice_is_blond]

You don't get it. He wouldn't fit back into the Fade now, not like this, not when neither of us are entirely sure what he is, no one is safe here, but for once there may be a chance of figuring out how to work with him, how to balance things back out, and you're just talking about doing things that will help no one.

[barebacking]

So you say.

[justice_is_blond]

So I say, so I mean. I don't know if you've missed this or not, but I'm having a very difficult time saying anything I don't mean right now. Which is why I probably should have turned off the Forge hours ago.

[barebacking]

But you don't.

You invite these things, Anders.

[justice_is_blond]

No, actually, I don't. I simply don't tell you to shut up as often as I should. That's not an invitation for you to threaten and harass.

[barebacking]

I feel that it is an invitation.

[justice_is_blond]

You're wrong. What I'd like to invite you to do is to leave me alone, and leave Tony alone. [He pauses, because he knows the way Yaha twists things now.] I mean, not harass us, bother us, threaten us, things like that. Because I don't love him yet... but I think I could in time, and I want that time.

[barebacking]

Then, you wish to sever ties with me?

[justice_is_blond]

[That's dangerous, and Anders is at least aware enough that he doesn't want that because of its danger. He can still be honest without dooming himself.]

I would rather you talk with me as opposed to fantasizing about carving me up.

[barebacking]

That can be easily arranged.