"But I still have to go through it," Colin says quietly. "It brought everything back, almost as if it had just happened again."

He lets out a breath and shakes his head.

"No, you're right. I can't live life halfway. It's been nigh-on a year since last time I tried this. Maybe at least I can hope for shorter and shorter recovery times. I'll never know if I don't work at it. But you really think Benedict would understand that explanation? It wouldn't ruin everything, make him think...?"